Parenting……..It never ends.

“Drink your milk and go to sleep”, shouts my Mom with her eyes half shut from the other room. “Nidho, Its already midnight and you should catch up with some sleep before your baby wakes you up for milk at night.” I assuage my tired Mom by saying not to worry. An hour passes by and I am still on my laptop doing some work. Suddenly I see my mom appear in front of my laptop holding in one hand a glass of freshly prepared saffron and pistachio milk and with the other hand rubbing her eyes deprived of sleep for years. “Oh Mom! Why do take so much of trouble”, said I. “Beta, I am more worried about your little one; he would suffer if you sleep without having milk; Right”? “Hmmm”, I nod while hungrily gulping down milk in one shot. Hugging her tightly, I wonder and ponder that the duty as a parent, as a mother never just ends.

Even while I was pregnant, it never dawned upon me that parenting is a job for lifetime. When I was pregnant, I was just waiting to deliver my child completely unaware of the gazillion of parenting jobs awaiting me. I later fathomed that delivering a child is the smallest of all the tasks as parent and with every developmental stage of the child; the task gets bigger, complicated and challenging.

Once a child is born, life changes radically for parents. You are at the end of your teether with his feeding, cleaning, nappy changes, night duties, vaccinations; however the beaming smiles and the thundering giggles of your little rockstar takes all your fatigue away. An entire year passes and now you seem to cope well with the newly acquired badge of a parent.

The going gets tougher with the baby learning to walk around and you are always on your toes so that he does not bump his head somewhere, put his hands in simmering tea or water, put any garbage in his mouth and what not.

Later on you start to unfailingly send and receive him from school, devotedly prepare his favourite dish for school tiffin, patiently listen to his school happenings, recite him long fairy tales till he goes into a quite slumber, find tricky answers to his abstract questions, meticulously plan his birthday party, go nuts shopping for his fancy dress competition, dutifully attend his sports day and most important work your fingers to the bone for his exams.

The child sets in his teens and your duty on the surveillance front gets beefed up. One has to be very attentive and alert to his signs of anxiety, depression and peer pressure and handle it very sensitively and delicately. The child enters college and you need to secretly have an eye of an eagle over the company he keeps, the sites he surfs and the places he visits. You strive hard to become his friend and stoop down to his level so as to push behind the generation gap between you both.  With some difficulty you cope up with allowing him to hang out with girls, party late nights and nightouts. At the same time you keep giving him your daily dose of sermons in the hope that he does not go astray in this fast, very fast pacing world and miss his main objective.

Finally your child graduates. He has now become an independent man. You feel you can now take a back seat.  NO!, Not yet. Gear up for his post-graduation. Get ready to put all your savings together to send him to US or for his MBA. You happily arrange all the funds to become proud and thrilled parents of a MBA/Doctor/CA or a MS child.

One fine day there is a knock at the door and you meet your child’s dream partner standing right in front of your eyes- shying, smiling and nervous all at the same time. You accept him/her keeping your likes and dislikes aside and give due respect to your child’s choice. More so because you did not have the privilege of choosing your partner, atleast your child has that liberty.  An auspicious day is selected and your child gets tied in the nuptial knot in the most extravagant and splendid manner.

Finally you are relaxing in your armchair as you have finished your last but not the least responsibility as a parent. You retire subsequently.

Everything seems to get settled and a new chapter begins in your life. There is no pressure to reach office in time, no pressure to perform and no pressure to prove yourself. You and your spouse after so many years get some hassle free time to spend together, get halcyon time to leisurely sip the morning cuppa. You reflect upon the past years, marvel at yours and yours child’s achievements, get spiritual and travel to a holiday destination. In the meanwhile, the seed you rooted, the plant you nurtured, the tree you guarded, the flowers you loved has now borne fruits. A new family member arrives and as grandparents your duty cart again gets loaded up.

You see………parenting, is a responsibility of a lifetime.

Parents love for their child is boundless, selfless, unconditional, immeasurable and unfathomable.

In the direction from parent to child - the love, the care and protection, all these emotions flow in strong bold lines but the irony is that they flow only in dotted lines in the reverse direction.

After being a parent yourself, you realise the heights of pain, sacrifice and hardwork that they have undertaken for your wellbeing. You feel so much of gratitude towards your parents and feel very apologetic for those who don’t have them.

Really parents are god sent angel’s in every child’s life.

My zeroth Birthday

I was having a balmy time in the idyllic setting of my mother’s warm, snug and fluidic compartment ; when suddenly I was jolted by a sudden turbulence. Small and then big waves started hitting me from everywhere. Concurrently I faintly heard my mother cry with pain and understood that the time for my arrival has almost come. I was anxious and eager at the same time to leave my cozy little chamber and enter the brand new world.

 My mother, a lady who always radiated optimism and practiced gratitude; was unable to comprehend as what was happening to her body and myself; and so got admitted to the hospital at the first sign of my arrival. At the instance of the doctor my dear mother started the effort to push me down. Every push for her required renewed energy, strong fortitude and breathing deeply a balloon of fresh air. The pain was excruciating but her strong will power and anxiousness to hear my first cry, I guess made her job relatively easy.

It was stressful for me too. With every contraction I was squeezed tightly; my head and sometimes my legs banged with the walls of the abdomen. To add to all this my heart was beating like a galloping race horse. The task of moving down the abdomen was like moving out from a bottle having a narrow and long neck. My mother had well prepared herself and me for all this turbulence; she recited motivational hymes to me, did brisk walking, practiced Yoga, `religiously chanted Om every single morning and ate healthy and high nutritional food.  My mother’s efforts started yielding and slowly and gradually I was treading lower. We both were coping quite well. The struggle for the new life went on for nearly eight hours and by now we both were fully exhausted. Yet she gave her last and fully concentrated push; and it finally propelled me out of her body.

At last I was out of my cocoon and was in the hands of the not so good looking nurse.  Big metamorphosis was taking place within me.  My whole body was covered with mucus and I was crying with pain and hunger. I guess this is the only time when a child cries and everyone else takes great pleasure in it.  I could hear the nurse congratulating my mother saying “It’s a baby boy”. Raw and naked I was taken to my mother. While I was trying to catch a glimpse of my mother through my half shut eyes; the hitler nurse took me away to wash my body. She hurriedly cleaned my body with her rough hands and tied me in an old and worn out dupatta; as if I was just a task.  I was longing to meet my mother; cling to her tightly and find solace in this alien world. Pretentious as she was; the nurse started singing a lullaby just before we were to enter my mother’s room and with a big broad smile handed the bundle (me) to my mother. She stood there with expectation of bakshish.  A tall dark man with somewhat curly hair and rough beard wearing rugged jeans and a casual T-shirt ; whom I later discovered to be my Dad, handed a 500 Rs note to the greedy and lazy nurse; much to my anguish.  Desperately grabbing me, my mother kissed me all over and soon attached me to her chest to give me my nutritional boost- milk. I instantly felt energetic and peaceful and in no time went into a slumber. When I opened my eyes, I saw numerous faces overhead, gazing curiously at me; waiting impatiently for me to wake up. “ Bhabhi, he is so cute, “His legs are so tiny”, “Sisi, he is just  your carbon copy”, “No No, he looks like my son”; there was an unending clatter, chaos; I felt very uncomfortable and I began to cry again.  My mother reached out to me immediately and gently stroked my back and head. I felt good. The first few days went in getting accustomed to so much of light, space, noise and parade of guests.  I used to have long hours of sleep and used to wake up only to have milk.

The damn Air Conditioner

For the last three months I was busier than even a bee; making elaborate preparations and grand arrangements for wedding my youngest daughter “Radha” which was scheduled on 15^th of July 2013 at Evershine Banquets.     

Finally the D day dawned; eagerly and anxiously, I along with my family headed to the hall to welcome the honourable guests. All the preparations at the hall seemed to be up to the mark and I was certain that my expectant guests will have a hearty experience to take as a souvenir back home.

Fate however had something else to offer me.

The guests started pouring in and soon the hall was gleaming with smiles and laughs. Morning breakfast began and I was quite happy looking at people relishing Kanjivaram Idlis and slurping tea. Within sometime I found service to be a bit sluggish and I immediately called Sangram, the Manager on the floor to pay heed to it. The Manager, utmost courteous; informed me that previous night a party went on till 4 in the morning and hence the glitch; and said within 15 minutes situation will be under control and it certainly was. However half an hour later, some guests came to me complaining that water in the ladies toilet was scarcely available. On informing, the manager took the required steps and in the meanwhile the morning Mandap Muhrat ceremony began. An hour later however the AC cooling became less and I was informed that the mechanics are looking into it.  I was now getting worried as I was sensing an impending crisis. The Air Conditioners completely stopped functioning by 11 o clock and I could see my guests charm and enthusiasm fading. I was constantly being assured by the Manager that within hr or so ACs will be fine. There was no doubt that Manager and his entire team were earnestly working to put things in place; yet four hours; 11 to 3 o clock passed but nothing seemed to be working out.  The time of arrival of Barat had come and my worry was seen all over my face. Irritated and annoyed by now, I called the Manager to take stock of things. Very ashamed and helpless, he confronted that the compressor of the main AC plant which was in the basement had failed due to rain water and was immediately beyond repair. He further said that he has ordered some 20 ACs and some air coolers from Churchgate and they shall be installed by the time pheras start. This was catastrophic. In city like Mumbai, where mercury levels rarely drop, some 20 ACs in gathering of 600 plus would hardly make some difference. More so the Air coolers would make air more humid. I knew this mishap was beyond much control of the Management and I cursed my stars for it. There however should be some disaster management in place......

With a very heavy heart, I informed the zealous groom and his not so demanding father about the entire situation.  I was surprised and pleased both at the same time by the graceful manner in which they accepted the situation. Never before I was so proud of my daughter’s choice. With the same fervour; the Barat proceeded towards the hall.

The entire Management was put to the task of installing ACs. They tried their best to pacify the gathering and give their best service. Politeness and regret was seen in their behaviour.

My guests were sweating and getting exhausted. I could see them wearily using handkerchiefs and papers to fan themselves. My own Shervani was hurting me.  All the beautiful ladies were upset as their makeup was falling apart. No one was interested in watching the pheras as Agni was making things worse. Instead they preferred to be in the huge corridors where AC tall units were installed. Alas! My image, My reputation of being a “Generous Host, Lavish Host” was getting diluted. The thing that did upset me the most were the sorrowful eyes of my daughter, the beautiful bride; that were saying “ My lifetime function is ruined Dad”. 

I Just wished I could do something......

With the pheras, the marriage rituals got over. While the couple proceeded to the temple, the crowd proceeded to the food court.

The food table looked very sumptuous and appetizing. Soups, chaats, mughlai, southindian, continental, Chinese, Italian, desserts and icecreams all were included in the buffet; to make wedding extravagant and splendid. People however could not relish the scrumptious food as increased heat and humidity were taking a toll on them.  Here the couple returned from the temple and instead of standing on the stage just preferred to be floating and take a few pics. By 9.30 or so the crowd started dispersing and the much awaited wedding was about to get over. With tears in my eyes, I bid my daughter farewell and did her “Vidaai”.

I came back to the hall to windup and settle accounts with the Manager. The owner of the Banquet came personally to meet me and told me “In no means we can undo the loss that we have brought to your dreams, expectations, image and status. Please tell me how we can compensate you in cash for it.” This candid admission of mistake and the attitude to compensate took me; was a turn up for the books.I negotiated a 25% discount on the entire bill; indeed every cloud has a silver lining.

I feel blessed

Every time I see my 8 month son laughing endlessly, chirping enthusiastically, bubbling with energy, dexterously crawling from one corner of the room to another, excitedly clasping his hands, exploring things with wonderment, weeping to seek my attention; I feel blessed as a mother.

Every time my husband willingly accompanies me as a chauffeur to the market, holds my purse when I am tired, sincerely does babysitting while I go watching a movie, immediately lends me his handkerchief when I sneeze, firmly  holds my hand while crossing the road, gently kisses my forehead and wishes me goodnight,; I feel  blessed as a wife.

Every time my mother voluntarily takes my wrath, my dad solves my problems as if he has a magic wand, my mother in law calls me “Bata”, my sister patiently listens to all my angst; I feel blessed.

When I recall these memories and reflect upon them; I not only feel immense pleasure but have a strong feeling of love, gratitude and appreciation.  These things may appear very trivial but its absence will make your heart cry.

When there are so many beautiful things in life to relish about, then why worry so much about your paycheque not raised upto your expectation, why keep whining about the demanding boss, why be disappointed if your child loses the race, why keep cribbing about your mother in law, why make mole of mountain for petty stuffs and so on…

Just the way sand escapes your fist, so will these moments. The importance of these moments will only be known to you when they are gone. Your child will grow up and no longer will seek your attention, your husband may be transferred to some another city, your parents will pass away and there will be no guardian to look upto.

Live these moments, cherish them, savour them instead of brooding over heartrending, bitter and uncontrollable events.

Life has so much to offer, explore. There are so many tasks to be done, so many things to be learnt, so many places to travel. When so much is to be accomplished in one life span, is it not foolish to waste even one hour thinking about the grass not so green. Instead look at the good side of your life and feel blessed about it.  Let that motivate you, enthuse you to achieve something bigger.

IS IT REALLY GIVE AND TAKE

I have always treated my servant back home as a family member; given him good food and clothing, facilitated his children’s education and stood as a pillar in time of his crisis. The experience however has not been very rewarding; in fact I was punished for being so nice. Many things like dryfruits, biscuit packets, jewellery, currency notes among others had started disappearing from my house. Very lately I realised that the person whom I trusted so much, considered my brethren kept fooling me for so long.  After this experience I have started pondering on the maxim “ Give and Take”.  Is it really give and take Or it is “Neki kar kuvein mein daal”?

Well its neither of the two completely.

If I do good to some person; its not necessary that he will return me the favours. The fruits of my  good actions can be routed to me through some other person, medium or object.

Passing by fluke, getting saved by skin of your teeth, being blessed by beautiful baby are not these gifts given by god for our good deeds we done to ppl.

The whole point is – Always Do good for others. Dont get dejected if the same person doesnot come to your expectation. The account of your deeds are being recorded by the highest authority and be rest assured that he will make no mistake.